fearful avoidant

my spirit knows
what my mind won’t accept
intuition never fails me
my safety net

the yellow signs
they turn bloody red
but my heart wanders off
loves to play dead

I smell the danger
of playing with fire
I know I’m falling in love with a liar

My mind knows what my heart ignores
My spirit begs me to close the door

I’m trying
I want to
  But I’m frozen in place
   Why am I drawn to this cursed place?
This hell
It feels a lot like home
   This torture
    It feels like my childhood, no?
I’m used to chaos
And not knowing when
  I’d get hugs and smiles
   Or sent straight to bed
Played outside
Could never be sure
  If laughter or shouts would greet me
   At the door
Safety meant food
And a roof over head
Clothes on my back
That’s what they said
Could never be sure if I was wrong or right
Might be funny today
Get me beat the next night

My concept of love
Looks like fear and hope
Nervously shaking
Not sure how to cope
Will it be good or be bad today?
Will you hug me or turn away?
Are you going to speak softly
Or yell in my face?
Will you smile and adore me,
or ignore my face?

my spirit knows
but my mind won’t accept
I’m at home in chaos
Familiar with stress

the bloody red signs
are necrotic now
I gotta get help
I need it now

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: